No Daycare Today

[satin amber trambark]

[/color][/b] she asked Andrew as she got out some cupcake trays and cups. He could mix the batter, but he wasn't big enough to actually pour the batter in. Then, she heard someone come through the front door. "Keep stirring. When you're done, come up front and get mommy, okay?" She left Andrew alone as she headed to the front.

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[christina jazsmine w. hently]

To say that Christina was beyond frazzled would have been a total understatement. How do you bounce back from something like this? How do you get told that your the body of a man had been found, and the police thought it was your husband. How do you go down to identify the body, only to find it so badly beaten that you can't make heads or tails of it. How do you go on, knowing that you will have to put the man you've loved since you were a teen in the ground. Tell your son that his father was gone for good. She still couldn't keep herself from tearing up as she drove to Satin's bakery. She hadn't explained to her that night, when she had called in a panic and asked her to watch Milo. And when she had picked him up the next day, had promised to tell her next time they saw each other. Than she had taken off, not being able to be in that house. To England for a week, knowing that she couldn't deal with having Milo so close either. So he was given to her father for safe keeping. If there was anyone else that she trusted besides Satin to watch Milo, it'd be her father. He had complained about not seeing Milo enough, so he would keep him for a while. CJ looked like a mess, having just come back from the airport. She couldn't hold it in anymore, she needed her best friend.

To keep herself busy as hell while she had been away, she had thrown herself into work. But being back in town triggered that sense of grief she had been able to push away in England. Everyone handled grieving differently, tons of people had said this. She knew it was true, some people took death as the end of the world. CJ supposed she was still in shock, part of her didn't believe it still. She still expected Seamus to call and tell her this had been some sick and twisted joke. That she didn't have to cry, because he was coming home. How do you say goodbye to the man who had turned you into what you are today? The funeral was soon...she had let Seamus's parents take over the whole planning. The police had shipped the body over to them soon after she had identified it that night. She wasn't sure if he was going to be cremated or what not....but she didn't think his mother would choose that. But the body had been beaten too badly to have it be viewed....so most likely, there'd be a closed casket funeral. She had missed the wake, simply because she couldn't put Milo or herself through that. She still hadn't told Milo the truth. Did a seven year old need to be told that he was fatherless so soon? No, that much she couldn't do. Milo was too smart to not know what it meant....and she wouldn't destroy her son like that. Of course she couldn't keep it from him...she just couldn't tell him when it was so fresh in her mind. The wound that it opened in her head hadn't even been given a proper amount of time to heal.

As calmly as she could, she shut off her car and got out of it. She had cried the whole way to Satin's bakery, not being able to hold it in anymore. Her eyes were red and a little swollen when she walked in, and they automatically started looking for Satin. Hey Satin, your failure for a best friend is here, you around? And that's when she saw Satin's head peer out from the kitchen. Hey, don't kill me for not calling just yet. I need a hug.

Count: 667
Tag: Satin
Notes: Aws.

[satin amber trambark]

[/color][/b] she cried out as she ran over to her friend and hugged her tightly. Maybe now Satin would be able to get some answers. "I haven't heard from you in over a week? What were you doing in England? What's been going on? Are you going to tell me what's been happening?" She looked around looking for for another familiar face but didn't see him. "Where's Milo?" Satin took a step back and looked at CJ suspiciously. Now that she took a better look at CJ, it looked like she had been crying forever. Something bad was going on. She could feel it in her guts. Satin instinctively took CJ by the hand and walked her over to the waiting bench she recently put in. Whatever news CJ had to tell her, Satin felt like it might be better taken sitting down.
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[christina jazsmine w. hently]

Satin and her boys were family; that was one thing CJ could never and would never dispute. It didn’t matter how or why or when, if Satin needed a hand with them, CJ would have been there in a heart beat. She loved those boys like they were her own, and though it was sometimes a little over whelming to watch Andrew and Hunter and Milo, it worked out. Sometimes she’d even take them to work with her, and they all had a blast. For Hunter’s first birthday, CJ had professional pictures taken as a present. Which was funny if you think about it, since Henry was a photographer.

Over the past few months, CJ and Henry had come into an understanding. There was no need to be uncivil, so she was as nice as her mood would allow to the guy. One could even say that on some level, they were friends. CJ had felt bad, taking off without at least explaining to Satin why she was such a mess. But at the time, she had needed to clear her head; she hugged Satin back just as tightly as she was hugged. Oh lord had she needed this, the warm embrace of someone she knew she could trust.

I know, I’m sorry. I had to clear my head….its been insane…I had to go meet my dad… She sighed and forced back the tears that she felt welling up in her eyes. Satin looked around and CJ took a minute to realize that she was looking for Milo. Where ever CJ went, Milo went; it was just that way when Milo didn’t have school and CJ didn’t have work. He’d go with Mommy wherever she had to run errands and such. Milo’s not here Satin. CJ said a little sadly, I’ve sent him to England for the summer….to spend some time with my Dad and Mace. CJ showed Satin the sad smile and sat down with her. I’m sorry it’s taken me a whole week to tell you this, but I just couldn’t think about it that night. Hell, I still can’t think about it.

CJ‘s eyes felt heavy and hot, It’s Seamus, Satin….he’s gone. a soft sob slipped out before she could fully explain. He’d been gone for a few days, but I didn’t think too much about it. Maybe just a job that required him to go out of town….Then the police came to the house last week, and they told me that they found a body in the river….at first, I was wondering what that had to do with my husband. Now her tears were streaming down her face, And then they told me that they needed me to go down….and when I got there….there was a body…and-and… The last part was hard to get out, Sea’s wallet….and-and- so badly b-b-beaten. He’s d-dead! She cried out as she slumped into Satin’s arms.

[satin amber trambark]

[/b] she asked, still confused. Nothing was making sense. Satin knew CJ loved Milo. There was no way she would have sent Milo away just because she couldn't take care of him. They could have helped each other whenever it was possible.

Her heart jumped into her throat when she heard CJ say that Seamus was gone. She thought that Seamus had left CJ. It didn't make sense. There were no signs of any problems between Seamus and CJ. Satin knew that Seamus had cheated on CJ last year. They were working out their problems and they seemed to be doing okay. But, she never expected Seamus to leave CJ. It was as if it came out of the blue. However, as CJ continued to speak, she mentioned police and body in the river. Satin remembered reading in the news about a body being found in the river but the body was never identified. Slowly but surely the pieces were coming together.

Her heart was starting to beat a lot faster. Tears were forming in her eyes and she was crying before she even knew what was happening. Then, CJ finally told her what Satin had guessed: Seamus was dead. "What," she cried out as she hugged her friend again. "How? Why? I don't..." There were so many questions running through her head. They had moved here to start a new life, not to end one. "What happened? Did the police figured out how Seamus ended up there? It doesn't make sense? Oh my god! How long ago was this? Was this why you left Milo at my house? Oh my god!" Satin covered her mouth with her hand, tears were freely flowing from her eyes. "I have to call Henry," she mumbled to herself. "We can't tell the kids. Not yet. CJ I'm so so sorry!" She held CJ in her arms and rocked back and forth. "Did you need anything? Do you want anything? Can I do something for you? You must be so lonely in that big house of yours. You must come and live with me. You can't be alone!"
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[christina jazsmine w. hently]

Before she knew it, both she and Satin were crying like big babies. The police said it was gang related....I don't believe some gang would do that....then again, I don't know what to believe anymore... Her heart felt like it was going to break into a billion pieces all over again. It was horrible having to go through this the first time; now that she was going through it again with Satin, it was about a thousand times worse. It hurts so bad Satin, I couldn't cry in front of Milo like this, he would have known in a heart beat that something was wrong.. It tore her apart to have to look into her baby boy's eyes every day last week and tell him blatant lies. I don't think I can tell Milo....he's got to know....eventually he's going to stop bying that "Daddy went on a trip for work, like he used to." He'll figure somethings up and it'll be so horrible. I don't know what to do anymore....I feel like I'm being torn into so many pieces.

She shuttered and shook in Satin's warm arms; her head was pounding and it hurt to even breathe. She had to keep it down too, Satin...Is Andrew here? I can't fall to pieces if Drew's here... She tried with all of her might to poke fun at something in this. She had to try at least. It was killing her that her little boy wasn't here for her to snuggle and cry with. The whole reason for them coming to New Jersey, was to start all over. Forget the pas hurt and just be a family again. Yet somehow, heart break had yet again found its way into their lives. CJ sobbed into Satin's neck, hating herself for falling apart some completely, but knowing that there was nothing she could do now. She had held it together for Milo for a week, and the whole time the emotions had just been building on top of each other. If she could, she'd just sit here for a while and just cry; but she'd shed tears the whole plane ride. And she'd let them flow while she'd gone through baggage and climbed into her car. It had hurt like hell, and she'd almost crashed her damn car at least twice.

We can't tell the kids Satin....no...but...the funeral's in a few days. she forced herself to try and make sense of the jumbled mess that was her thoughts. I'm not letting Milo go....he just wouldn't be able to handle it.... She had been torn apart when she had to deal with both EJ and RJ's deaths. And though Milo had only been there for RJ's, he had never really been the same and she shuttered to think of what loosing his father would do to him. When Satin said that she couldn't stay in the house by herself, CJ laughed softly, I haven't been able to go back to the house yet....I've got a hotel room for now....and I've barred myself in work so I don't think about it. His parent's arranged everything....which means I have to fly back to Hampshire Hills soon... She didn't have the heart to tell Satin that she couldn't stay with her. She just wouldn't be comfortable with that.

[satin amber trambark]

[/color][/b] she said. Satin thought they only deal with their own people. Unless it was just collateral damage. Still, it was crazy. Satin hadn't heard anything about gangs being here. She stroked CJ's head, crying along with her. She remembered when she found out RJ died. It was horrible. And, a year later, Seamus was dead. Satin couldn't even imagine what CJ must be going through. When CJ said Milo still didn't know, she stopped. "Wait, what," she asked. "CJ, if you need help telling Milo, I can help you. You can't keep this from him forever. Trust me. I try to keep a big secret and it just tore me apart."

"Andrew's here, but he's in the back. Hunter's taking his morning nap in my office." Satin couldn't believe she forgot that Andrew could walk out here any moment. She took a moment to wipe her eyes free of tears. She didn't want Andrew to know she was crying. She needed Henry to be with her when she told the kids about Seamus. "Don't worry, he won't be out for a few more minutes. I told him to come and get me when he's done." Satin got up really quick to grab some napkins and brought them back over to CJ. She handed one to CJ as she wiped her eyes.

The funeral was coming up. It was one thing to not tell Milo right away. It was another thing to keep him from going to his father's funeral. "No, CJ, you can't do that to him! You can't let Milo not say goodbye to his father. He'll never forgive you!" Milo may be young, but he was old enough to understand death. If he didn't, he would when he grew up. "CJ, this is Milo's father. You can't deny him a proper farewell! CJ, I understand not telling him right away, but this is huge! You must reconsider this!" Satin should probably be the last person to lecture CJ about being honest with her kid. She lied to Andrew for the first five years of his life. But, it didn't matter when he was little and didn't understand. Satin knew that as soon as Andrew was old enough to comprehend the difference between Henry and RJ, she had to tell him.

Satin understood CJ not wanting to go back to the house alone. It must have been scary. If getting a hotel room was what made it more comfortable or her, then Satin was fine with it. She hugged CJ again. "I you need anything, please let me know, okay? I'm going to make sure Andrew stays in the back. I'll be right back. You're going to be okay by yourself?" Satin left CJ by herself as she walked to the back of the kitchen. She quickly and quietly shuffled Andrew into her office. She kept him occupied with drawing and coloring and told him not to leave her office until she came to get him. Then, she called Henry about the news. He was going to come home early so that they could tell Andrew soon. When all that was done, Satin went back up front to join CJ. "Well, you don't have to stay with us. But, at least come over for dinner. How's that?"
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